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Paris Paloma - labour [Official Video]
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- Published on Mar 22, 2023
- labour | Available to listen or download here: parispaloma.ffm.to/labour
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Lyrics (click/tap CC to see subtitles):
Why are you hanging on
So tight
To the rope that I’m hanging from
Off this island
This was an escape plan
Carefully timed it
So let me go
And dive into the waves below
Who tends the orchards?
Who fixes up the gables
Emotional torture
From the head of your high table
Who fetches the water
From the rocky mountain spring
And walk back down again
To feel your words and their sharp sting
And I’m getting fucking tired
The capillaries in my eyes are bursting
If our love died, would that be the worst thing?
For somebody I thought was my saviour
You sure make me do a whole lot of labour
The calloused skin on my hands is cracking
If our love ends, would that be a bad thing?
And the silence haunts our bed chamber
You make me do too much labour
Apologies from my tongue
Never yours
Busy lapping from flowing cup
And stabbing with your fork
I know you’re a smart man
And weaponise
The false incompetence
It’s dominance under guise
If we had a daughter
I’d watch and could not save her
The emotional torture
From the head of your high table
She’d do what you taught her
She’d meet the same cruel fate
So now I’ve gotta run
So I can undo this mistake
At least I’ve gotta try
The capillaries in my eyes are bursting
If our love died, would that be the worst thing?
For somebody I thought was my saviour
You sure make me do a whole lot of labour
The calloused skin on my hands is cracking
If our love ends, would that be a bad thing?
And the silence haunts our bed chamber
You make me do too much labour
All day, every day, therapist, mother, maid
Nymph then virgin, nurse then a servant
Just an appendage, live to attend him
So that he never lifts a finger
24/7 baby machine
So he can live out his picket fence dreams
It’s not an act of love if you make her
You make me do too much labour
Credits:
Director: Adam Othman
Producer: Giulia Lopes
Director of Photography: Theo Brinch
1st AC: Rafal Rakoczy
Gaffer: Will Jessel
BTS: Jamal Thomas
Art Director: Paris Paloma
Art Assistant: Morgan Bull
Actors
Paris Paloma
Henry Hayward
#parispaloma
“So he never lifts a finger” can have two meanings. One, he never does work. Two, so he doesn’t hit.
No, here it seems to have only one meaning, in context of the song-it’s called ‘labour’ and he ‘never lifts a finger’ to help. Period.
It's whatever one interprets the song to be and what it means for that individual soul ..
@Autumn Rose nope. Words have meaning. And context.
The first one for sure
or three, so he never points a finger and accuses, aka emotional labour
A message to future generations: Don't let this song die
@donaven bruce why is this important rn?
@donaven bruce how about no
@donaven bruce okay Bruce of course of course, now let’s get u to bed
@Otaku of course of course, you cannot talk to a horse 🐴
@donaven bruce What exactly is your value? Big man go make money? Little ladies can do it too, and they can fold their own laundry. If that's all, then you aren't needed.
As an Asian woman. This is what we were taught in our cultures. Be a girl in a set path, remain a virgin for your husband, be a good wife to warm his bed, be a baby maker to continue the bloodline, be the family's cook, be the family's maid and house keeper, be your husband's decoration so he could use you to brag to others. Time has change and things are getting better but there are still men and old people in our cultures who thinks of women as free slaves. All in the name of 'duty'.
I honestly don't mind doing all that for a loving man that provides my every need and want. But they don't exist
@ElizabethUkeh I think you're missing the point. It's not a choice for us, it's a chosen path by our parents and families and the people around our culture. If it's a choice then it's no problem but it isn't. Our women are groomed to be the perfect wife, daughter and basically a free modern slave. It's more than that
Not only asian cultures have that, we have something similar in all Eastern Europe:')
No money 💰 no honey 🍯
To all the men who are mad in the comments :If this song/ music video makes you mad and defensive, you are the kind of man that she is singing about. You're seeing yourself mirrored in this fictional man, and you are angry about it because you are being told your behavior is wrong.
If youre offended by this song, you clearly doing something wrong .
Fr, they really gettin mad over a song which is pathetic
Men are jealous of women ,
I'm not even a wife yet, not even a girlfriend, but this song took a chainsaw to my soul. Sitting here silently while my rage is simmering for every women going through this.
No one dares mention what the men go through
@Michael women aren’t in positions of power to change things for men. But everyone women I know agree things are bad for men too hence this song about Labour I for one would be more than happy to split chores and work full time the main problem being have the choice to do this I’ve met many men who have these picket fence dreams who don’t want their women to have equality- feminism helps men and women
@Michael Bro, why should women sing a song for us lmfao 💀. It’s our own fault anyways, since we were the one who created the goofy ahh standards anyway. Stop crying and go make a song if you’re so mad.
@Michael bet u never actually mention mens issues unless its to undermine womens😂
@Michael So, when's your song coming out, or did you want Paris Paloma to do that for you? You make her do too much labour!
Can we just talk about how clever the line, “Nymph then a virgin” is like it just ties in the impossible standards that men have for women so perfectly. They are expected to have the bedroom experience of a nymph and be sexually arousing or seductive without ever actually having had sex before so they can still fulfil their sick fantasies of an untried virgin.
Like, its all just so frustrating and impossible
Really on point. Nothing really has changed since medieval times, but now we got also entitled polygamists and pornculture and many pick me's enabling this depravity, saying it'd be empowering..
Yup
Radfem Tahlia i certainly hope when you mean all misogyny you mean *all* misogyny, which includes the misogyny that targets our trans sisters
this truly is a love letter to all the hundreds of millions of women who have lived and died, nameless and faceless and unappreciated, terrified and violated and unfulfilled, lonely and clever and murdered. we see you. we're sorry.
Well said 👏👏
Louder for the back row!
😢
This made me tear up
LOUDER for those in the back 🎉
"So he never lifts a finger" has 3 meanings.
1.That he never does any work.
2.That he won't abuse her.
3.That he won't acuse her. (Pointing)
This is my favourite line from the song actually.
Astute. Yes.
That is an amazing insight! Love it❤
Abuse sounds more logical
@NehaThakkare all 3 ways can be interpreted
My mom just left my abusive dad after 37 years of emotional torture, and I am beyond proud of her. I just sent this to her, if you see this mom, I love you!
Congratulations! I’m sure your mother is deserving of better. 🎉
You GO girl :D happy your out of thay
Hey, Kacies Mom!
You are not alone! You can be proud of yourself.
I wish you a lot of strength and love ❤
I'm currently trying to find the strength your mother had
@PcPlum X i have faith in you!!!
1:55 "if we had a daughter i'd watch and could not save her" this part brings tears to my eyes every time i listen
Same cried when first heared that line hit me hard😢
I am that daughter. I saved myself. But my mom still cried when I pointed it out in adulthood and she realized what growing up under my father's thumb was actually like.
@Word WomanSammmmmme. That part made me sob instantly soon as I heard it. So sad and cruel that it’s such a universal experience so many wives and daughters can relate to.
Actually they can save bit they choose not to! That's how times are changing. The more you support your daughter the more you are saving her from all of this.
This hit me hard too. I left. I wasn’t going to watch my daughter grow up thinking how I was being treated was anywhere near okay. That the example for her would to be bullied, beaten down, insulted, gaslit, manipulated, tricked and deceived while I worked my ass off to look after a man child. It wasn’t happening. I cut my losses for her sake and I thank god every day that I did.
I love how the song is introduced with this eloquent and poetic tongue and then right before the chorus she breaks out of it and goes "and I'm getting fucking tired."
The shift is so perfect, so spicy and beautiful.
It's just another aspect placed on women she is breaking away from - that swearing and speaking aggressively or speaking out in general is not seen as "lady-like."
This woman is an absolute genius.
🙌
I love the double meaning of "so he never lifts a finger", but I love even more that it's only implied. This song doesn't have to just be about someone who's deliberately, physically abusive. It can also be about the average husband, the generally "nice" guy to whom it doesn't even _occur_ how unbalanced the relationship has become. He takes care of the kids sometimes (maybe once or twice a week), he does other chores (as long as she neatly keeps track of which chores are His, asks him nicely, and patiently waits for him to do them on his timetable), he even cooks dinner from time to time (when the wife buys all the ingredients he needs for him). He's not violent, and he doesn't have to be. Society's programming has worked the violence for him so efficiently he doesn't even have to be aware it's there.
When I say "average husband", by the way, I mean statistically--the numbers show that women in straight relationships are disproportionately responsible for the housework and childcare, even when they _also_ have a job. If you're a man, and this song doesn't apply to you, that's awesome that you and your partner have a healthier dynamic! And if this song does, well, this is a great opportunity to take the initiative in fixing things. "Taking the initiative" is one of the heaviest burdens to bear in housework; don't put that on her, too.
EDIT: I didn't like how I referred to physical abusers as "cartoon abusers", nor how I tried to declare what the song was "about", so I edited those lines to be a bit clearer about what I meant.
(When I say "straight relationships", I don't mean just straight partners involved. As a bi girl, I could wind up in the exact same boat if I started dating guys.)
Thank you for pointing out that this song is talking about a sadly pretty common situation !
I think a lot of men who will listen to this song will not even realise they have some of these behaviours because it's so ingraved in us (men and women) the patriarchal roles that we don't even realise the relationship is unbalanced and toxic, we just think it's the norm
I lowkey just had an epiphany. My boyfriends love language came back as acts of service, so I try to do some extra things to help around his place. We don’t live together, but sometimes I’ll do little things for him like the dishes or taking out the trash and other stuff. For that being his main love language I’ve always thought that he wasn’t as expressive with his gratitude as he would be for it to be his #1 way others can show him love. Sometimes I have to even point it out (which I can understand like the trash or dishes cause he has a room mate so he may think it’s just him doing it, but other things that I do are obvious that I would be the only that did it, and it’s weird you have to point it out sometimes.) now I’m thinking that subconsciously that that is just what he expects/thinks I’m supposed to do since I’m the women in the relationship so even it’s not a big deal that I go out of my way to make his life a little easier cause that’s what I should be doing. That’s not a lot language than, that’s just what society tells men were supposed to do and they expect it so they’re not gonna to say thank you if you do it. Wtf I’m spiraling now
@Sarah K Oh, gosh, from what I've heard, the whole love language thing is sort of hack relationship science. I hope you can work that out with him, because it sounds like it really sucks feeling unappreciated like that!
Violent husbands, unfortunately are not atypical.
this is absolutely a love letter to women throughout history. as historian rosalind miles points out: part of the reason men were at the forefront of so much innovation throughout history isn’t just because of lack of education for women, but because they were free to do more with their time as women were carrying most domestic and emotional labour in the home.
EXACTLY! THANK YOU!
Who cooked Adam smiths dinner 📖
@Michelle Tierney His mom. he wrote his book while living in his mom's house
The pomegranate symbolism is powerful. This fruit represent fertility, marriage and desire but it can also represent death and feminine independence.
Yes! I see it as her eating her own six seeds. She’s committing to herself which is how she can disappear. She’s committed to her world. English teachers are gonna have a time with this! Haha
My mother blasts this in the car when my father is also in the car. The look on his face is always priceless. Still waiting for them to get the divorce papers over with.
Sounds totally healthy 😅 great 👍
Yeah thats stupid
you are sick
Good on your mom, I hope this isn't too hard on you
@Kobain Peep He should act right.
Young girls, do not marry....do not let them to destroy your life 😢
Thank u❤🩹
yes for the love of your soul ...never allow a man to be above you, be the raging queen that you are
I would like to rephrase as someone who married the wrong man and then the right one. Wait for the one that will not put you down and do anything for you and his family, if you so choose. They are out there, don't count it out completely. My husband before wanted the submissive slave wife. My husband now let's me do anything as long as I'm happy.
I love the line “Apologies for my tongue, but never yours” because women are expected to be quiet and submissive, not loud and outspoken like men. But the line also sounds like it could be “Apologies from my tongue” as women feel like they have to apologize for every little thing while men get a free pass. Simply amazing lyrics.
This song has so many lines that hit you like a sack of bricks that it's easy to miss some of them like this one here. Thank you for pointing it out.
For some reason this made me think of a Norwegian folktale I haven't heard since I was a child. There is a husband who is always angry and constantly complains about his wife not doing enough at home; so one night the wife offers to switch places the next day, and the husband happily agrees. It goes terrible and the wife eventually comes home to find him stuck upside down in the porridge pot.
I used to love hearing it as a kid, a grumpy man who gets taught a lesson and all. Now however it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth as I see how deep of an issue it still is today.
Do this folktail has a name ?
@Jeanne D'arc "Mannen som skulle stelle hjemme" is one of the names, it translates to "the man who was supposed to take care of the home".
@Smulenify Thank you !
The most unbeliaveable part is the husband agreeing to try this
I love how this isn't about a physically abusive relationship but about how the labour demanded of women by patriarchs kills us.
And men don't do labour at all? They're all day up to work and get you the money for your house. Both do equal work yet men don't complain about it. Unless there isn't a physical abusive relationship no need to cry
@Hassan Al Khalaf Are you seriously run to You Tube, click on this particular song, scroll down dozens of comments just to say this? I thought men like you are "all day up to work" so what are you doing here? Also this song is direct toward the type of men who wants to "never lift a finger" so if you're not that type of men, "no need to cry".
@Hassan Al Khalaf it’s not equal work. There are many, many studies on how it’s not equal work. If it was equal work, it wouldn’t be so common to have men sitting enjoying themselves at every family gathering while the women are slaving in the kitchen. If it was equal work, my mother wouldn’t have to spend her whole Ramadan cooking while fasting to serve the iftar that the men expect, while they waltz in at the last minute after a whole day of doing nothing just to devour the fruits of a whole day’s labour in mere minutes without so much as a thank you. When you say things like that, you are disrespecting your mother.
@Hassan Al Khalaf Notice how no one agrees with you? Embarrassing.
This is to my grandmother, a delicate elegant lady, a true artist who was married off at 12 to a 27y old cave man .
And to my great grandmother, a 14y old slave who died giving birth , and no one remembers her name because she didn't even speak their language 😢.
* I can now paint , hike , say no to marriage, become a doctor , take dancing classes , have my own money ...
Thank u for the sacrifices❤
Your grandmother and great grandmother would be so happy to hear that 🥺😢
Yes! Their sacrifices aren't in vain. ❤
goosebumps
At the prompting of this song I evicted my abusive ex from my home. At the prompting of this song I moved his stuff out. Never have I felt such power. The echo of "too much labour"
It took a year to get him out and he was EVERYTHING in this song right down to the grooming of his son to be exactly as he is. No matter what I did I was drowning in all of it.
GLORY
Much love and strength to you.
I had a baby a few months ago, and nobody prepares you for how incredibly true all of this is once the baby arrives. All of the hidden labor that you already did is multiplied by 100, and things you need help with that should be absolutely obvious are all up to you. It is lonely, isolating, and infuriating.
The feelings associated with asking for help makes being a single mum so much harder, because there’s shame (for whatever reason) associated with recognising that it takes a community to raise a child.
I wonder what it feels like knowing you wrote a song that so perfectly encapsulates the rage and sadness of generations of women.
The symbolism of her lighting her candle and watching it burn down while his is unlit and barely touched is perfect
I was just about to comment on that, its really such a cool detail!!
Add in that al the ones in his view are perfectly fine, while hers are starting to burn out? The one symbolizing her burns out entirely, the one representing him is never lit. But the surrounding candles, symbolizing work and effort?
His are half tall, still easily burning. Hers are almost at their ends - she is completely burnt out in herself and from the excess work that she does for him, while he doesn't need to exert himself in nearly the same fashion.
It's a smaller detail, but a really nice one.
oh my god, wow. this made me think so much.
Her candle seems to symbolize patience. Her fuse must get lit every mealtime. Even if he isn't there and away at work. She toils over everything and so it has been eroded to the point of an escape plan.
Like she loved and unloved, but he never learnt to love. Idk.
As a 16 year old hispanic girl- this song is so important to me. This is the life so many women in my family died living- and the mindset i still experience from the men in my family. And when i say that as soon as i turn 18 I'm leaving it- i mean it. The generations of women being trapped in this born and raised system of serving toxic and abusive men ends with me. And it's going to be hard- leaving my mom, my sister, my grandma- but I will never let my daughters and her children feel as worthless as the women in my family do. My daughter will live with a voice, that we didn't have before - and i won't have to apologize for giving her that life like my mother apologized to me. Her name, and her blood, won't trap her like it has me.
You have such amazing bravery! I turned 17 a few weeks ago. 18 will come quicker than you realize. I hope you are able to make a good plan so you can escape. Know that I have 100% confidence in you. ❤❤❤ Be brave!
all love to you
So many women in your family died SURVIVING, not living. Living is having a voice and being able to do things on your own. But as an eldest Hispanic daughter, this hit so hard, you have a lot more bravery than I do, and I hope that you go on to do amazing things, and have a voice that overpowers any man. Just know that a lot of women are rooting for you.
I have confidence in you. I know you'll find the bravery to escape. You can apply to a college elsewhere.
Bringing someone to life simply because you want it that way is selfish, you would have to ask for their forgiveness anyway; by bringing someone into this world that implies that that someone is going to die, get sick, decay, feel and experience many negative things (including monotony or dissatisfaction) and harm other people and living beings, without counting the carbon footprint they are going to leave.
You're not very smart.
THIS SONG HITS ALL WOMEN RIGHT IN OUR MITOCHONDRIAL 🧬 DNA( the one only mothers pass down) listening to this song you can feel the vibrations of the women in the past through this….
Yeah...sure...😅
no, no... i get you.
✊
I’m a trans man and it still hits lol
I can feel it, I can feel all the rage and sadness of generations of women. It's not fair how we're treated, I don't get what we did to deserve all the awful things we as women go through.
I'm so into this song lately. My daughter is into it too. Such a great message. My husband/her father sure does a lot to support us. He cooks, cleans, does everything that needs attending to, plus working a full time job. I became chronically ill after our third child and he stepped up so hard. He's my hero. If anyone's doing too much labor, it's him. But that's not the norm. Do better menfolk. Be like my husband. Step. Up.
Seeing all these women from different cultures speaking about this is amazing, as an Afghan woman my culture literally treats women and girls this way but the girls are too blind to speak out against it.
Yesterday after two years of emotional and physical abuse i took our 12 day old daughter and left
I wish you guys the best, stay strong
you are very strong. It takes a lot of courage to take this step. I wish my mother had done this for me. Thank you for saving yourself and your child.
PROUD!!!
I wish you the best. You're so brave
I wish I had the guts as you. I want to leave my husband take my 5year old son with me. 13 years with this man. I'm done
I love that we don't see her face at the start, like how many women have lived and continue to live as faceless, nameless entities, whose work is never acknowledged as theirs - I love this song for so beautifully expressing both power and grief
i was thinking this too!!
Idk why this reminded me of Rosalind Franklin...
Loxist subversion
Kalergi plan
Minimum replacement birth rate: 2.1
Israel birth rate: 3.00
EU birth rate: 1.53
Canada birth rate: 1.47
USA birth rate: 1.70
Australia birth rate: 1.66
Russia birth rate: 1.50
Ukraine birth rate: 1.23
Moldova: 1.28
Belarus: 1.38
Serbia: 1.48
Bulgaria: 1.56
Romania: 1.60
Albania: 1.58
It reminds me of a line from “Whatever you want” by Vienna Teng - “she’s just a dress wearing a face in the doorway.”
Lyrics:
Why are you hanging on
So tight
To the rope that I'm hanging from
Off this island?
This was an escape plan (this was an escape plan)
Carefully timed it so that we'd go
And dive into the waves below
Who tends the orchards?
Who fixes up the gables?
Emotional torture
From the head of your high table
Who fetches the water
From the rocky mountain spring?
And walk back down again
To feel your words and their sharp sting?
And I'm getting fucking tired
The capillaries in my eyes are bursting
If our love died would that be the worst thing?
For somebody that I thought was my savior
You sure make me do a whole lot of labor
The callous skin on my hands is cracking
If our love ends would that be a bad thing?
And the silence haunts our bed chamber
You make me do too much labor
Apologies from my tongue
And never yours
Busy lapping from flowing cup
And stabbing with your fork
I know you're a smart man
(I know you're a smart man)
And weaponize the false incompetence
It's dominance under a guise
If we had a daughter
I'd watch and could not save her
The emotional torture
From the head of your high table
She'd do what you taught her
She'd meet the same cruel fate
So now I've gotta run
So I can undo this mistake
At least I've gotta try
The capillaries in my eyes are bursting
If our love died would that be the worst thing?
For somebody that I thought was my savior
You sure make me do a whole lot of labor
The callous skin on my hands is cracking
If our love ends would that be a bad thing?
And the silence haunts our bed chamber
You make me do too much labor
All day, every day
Therapist, mother, maid
Nymph then a virgin, nurse than a servant
Just an appendage, live to attend him
So that he never lifts a finger
Twenty-four seven, baby machine
So he can live out his picket fence dreams
It's not an act of love if you make her
You make me do too much labor
All day, every day
Therapist, mother, maid
Nymph then a virgin, nurse than a servant
Just an appendage, live to attend him
So that he never lifts a finger
Twenty-four seven, baby machine
So he can live out his picket fence dreams
It's not an act of love if you make her
You make me do too much labor
The capillaries in my eyes are bursting
If our love died would that be the worst thing?
For somebody that I thought was my savior
You sure make me do a whole lot of labor
The callous skin on my hands is cracking
If our love ends would that be a bad thing?
And the silence haunts our bed chamber
You make me do too much labor
Thank you for this. 💕
You created not only a song , it's a spell and a call for all women all around the world. So thank you for speaking your heart and soul. THIS IS A MASTERPIECE
I also like the "nymph, then a virgin" line because as women we are expected to be craving our men, but if we vocalize things like how we WANT to be pleasured, we are silenced because men either can't handle being inadequate or we are literally just baby machines that shouldn't feel anything other than what men want us to feel and be readily available for their "basic human need". And then after it all parade us around like a matron saint of purity in the public to their peers and we are to remain quiet after having an unfulfilled sex life(i only ever had sex with one man for 7 years and he never made me orgasm), possible kids we didn't want (thank God I don't have any), and a public image we have to maintain unless we be seen as slutty or inappropriate even though men do the same and are celebrated. And then if we aren't in the mood, we are the bad ones (even if the aforementioned man made me sick everytime he had sex with me and when I wanted to prioritize my life after he hospitalized me several times with varying levels of bad infections, I'M irrational and that justified him to rape me.) This line and the "it isn't love if you make her" makes me feel heard and like I can hear the hurt of all women through time that felt similar (especially ones like myself that was in a misogynistic cult/religion and a bad relationship that ended worse.) I love this song so much and thank you for making it and giving women a voice that can't be silenced anymore!
I hope you're in a safer and more fulfilling place now ❤ screw being prim and polished trying to be perfect for the male and sexist gaze, we are allowed to be more, to be bold, loud, sexual, taking ownership of our bodies.
@Ame yes, exactly! I am in a much more stable place now and not ashamed of myself anymore, nor am I going to cheat myself out of good relationships because of an awful one that almost cost me my life in more ways than one! Sexism and racism and abuse have no place in my life and this song makes me see how far I came from being the quiet girl who was afraid to stand up for myself and how much more I empathize and am glad that even if it isn't right away, our voices get louder and one by one we can all make a way better for ourselves and those around us!
Also, not all men are the way I described, just a specific ex of mine and a religious cult's misogynistic ideologies in particular. The men in my life now are amazing and I am glad they are there for me as well and prove that not everyone in this world is a bad person and you may sift though coal, but you will find the diamonds!
Exactly 👏
I'm sorry for your experiences. I hope that your life has changed drastically.
This is why I’m so grateful to have the parents I do. My dad broke the standard he was raised with. It’s always been equal work, if my mom is tired my dad will cook, if my dad is tired my mom will. My dad raised us as much as my mom did, he helped around the house as much as she did. There were no expectations for her that he wouldn’t do himself. They both taught my sister and I that we deserve to be treated as equals, and anyone who try’s to treat us any less is not worth our time.
My parents broke the standard and taught us to do the same
My parents were the same. I think it’s more common than we think. I am in a marriage like this sadly. I chose very wrong.
Love this. More people need to recognize that this should be the standard so we move forward
i’m a saudi women i cried so much listening to this song
My mom was born in Saudi Arabia, as well as her sisters and brother. Her mom was born in Pakistan and moved to Saudi Arabia when she married my abusive nana.
My mom was the first to leave, she escaped to America. And later her siblings and mom followed.
She escaped and saved herself and me. But the trauma will always be there, it tore through the generations of the family and even though I was born free it didn't stop. I'm crying those tears with you
This song just epitomises how women's roles are consistently delegitimised. Even the stereotypical housewife is not seen as real 'labour'. Cooking, cleaning, managing the home, taking care of the children is a job. Just because it's not paid, it's seen as somehow 'worth less'. Stunning.
@Hassan Al Khalaf "Under a man" is a telling choice of words and sounds miserable by any metric. The women I know were/are housewives and mothers see it as more of a partnership if he's earning.
@Hassan Al Khalaf I think most people argue that because its a risk. If I had a daughter, I would want her to ensure she still had work history, experience and references to fall back on if her marriage didn't work out. And that she wasn't financially dependent etc.
@L W that's a valid point.
For all the men saying "we men go through stuff too"
Did we say you don't? This particular video is about women.
And also another thing I'd like to add is, women, ourselves talk about OUR problems and bring attention to them OURSELVES. Everytime you see someone talk about womens issues, they are most likely women themselves. There are plenty of men that do support us but there are plenty of women that support you guys too! If you want to bring more attention to talk about YOUR problems, do it yourself.
Men can't tho, else they're called weak. You honestly think if a man did a song like this they'd have such support? No way in hell
@Henry Jackson Have you seen any of those videos like those of the "man SCHOOLS feminist modern women" type? It's FULL of people validating men's struggles. Make your own goddamn song. Fight your own goddamn fight. You think men support women?
@Henry Jackson maybe it's just the neighborhood I live in but EVERY single women I've met is so amazingly understanding, we all gather up and have debates in our college, and we all support men! We always talk about social issues and by discussing this is how I got the point that women usually talk about our problems ourselves. I've never seen a women call a man weak for showing any type of emotion or crying in contrast to men calling EACH other weak because they saw the other cry and I've seen bullying happen ever since i was a kid! I will definitely admit there are many women who do also make fun of yall if yall show emotion or talk about your problems but so do we. Have you seen these comments? ANY video about women's struggles has hate comments on them. Hate comments are inevitable. Men should support each other and build a safe space where yall can talk about your problems and most women I know are sympathetic and will most certainly support you guys. I will too.
I love the line ‘it’s not an act of love if you make her’ referring to marital/relationship sexual assault blending perfectly into her complaint of being forced to do and be too many things. It’s subtle but important
Maybe this is just me, but the fact that the beginning was very mumbly and then grows to be more clear would have such a deep meaning. Incredible.
“It’s not an act of love if you make her.”
Can we just talk about inclusive this lyric is? It includes women that have survived hundreds of different backgrounds and undergo mass amounts of trauma, bringing it into light in a song that has almost 10 million (as of now) views. Fucking genius.
As a man, I absolutely love this song. Had me in tears a few times.
This song is like 1000 times better than I could’ve ever imagined. It really captures the feeling of being a woman during all History. It has such feminine rage that we can all feel it through the screen
Have you heard her song 'fruits' ? It is also a lot of femine rage combined with witch vibes
@ilse de vries I actually did. Thanks to TikTok I did a tour of all her music, and I’m utterly in love with “fruits”. But thank you anyway for the suggestion ☺️
I totally agree and I also want to point out to support your statement that when she's eating the pomegranate, it splatters and it stains her fingers and chin. It resembles blood and the eaten pomegranate bears a scary resemblance to organs. I think that part really exemplifies the female rage that the video is projecting where she's so angry from the mistreatment that her husband shows her and that's a murder stare if I've ever seen one.
@Ace Hernandez Yes, I totally see what you’re saying. I also loved that she seemed to enjoy eating the pomegranate, and with that regain the power she lost while with him, and “freaking him out”
@Lucrezia Benelli I have heard that the fruit that Eve actually ate that got her and Adam kicked out of the garden of Eden was mistranslated as an apple. They say it was more likely a pomegranate.
If you're a man and feel attacked by the words of this song, you probably are part of the problem.
Reflection and change is healing, you can do it
Men are mad because they realize we were never happy to do these things and this song dispels any illusions they may have had otherwise.
I’m currently trying to escape one these relationships for the sake of my unborn daughter… this song really did hit home for me..
I wish you good luck, you are a great mother.
Good luck, I hope all goes well for you and your child
I’m sure you’ll do great as a parent and hope you get out of your present situation. I wish you the best of luck and that you stay strong!
My mum sent me this, told me dont ever overwork yourself for your husband, dont let him sit there while you do everything
"Its not an act of love if you make her" more ppl need to hear that
I’m so glad it’s 4 minutes long. Most people create tiktok hype for just 2 minute songs but this was just beautiful.
Came here to say this!!
It's 4 minutes and somehow I still think it's too short so I listen on repeat
listen to her other songs. I had no doubt it'd be good cause she's actually a talented musician
It's so refreshing seeing a song that's even better whole than just its viral tiktok hook
the people who make the song arent the same that "create" tiktok hype, a single person doesnt have control on how popular something they post will be. i'm glad y'all arent dissapointed, but i hope you dont give other indenpendant artists a hard time when their song preview doesnt live up to the hype they have no control over
The lyrics are incredible. I love how the word labor can mean both work and giving birth. "The capillaries in my eyes are bursting" connects so well both to giving birth and "the rope I'm hanging from". This is a masterpiece.
👏
Despite having never been in a relationship I feel her rage, its like a fire. Never let this song die, ever
"Love letter to women throughout history" as someone quoted in another comment and rightfully so! A masterpiece of a song highlighting women's role for centuries, the suffering and pain they went through. How grateful to be in a time now that gives us rights and freedom, all thanks to other women who fought for it with some even sacrificing themselves for it. ❤
As someone who has been fully transitioned to a man for over four years now, this song has put an anger in me for all the woman who came before me, and all the woman who continue to be forced to live in this condition. I never quite thought I’d feel this type of anger again, and it’s still just as frustrating to remember.
Thank you so much for saying this. It says a lot that your body knows and remembers this pain.
I never in my life experienced this kind of torture but I can just feel it. The sadness the anger all of the emotions from this song that women experienced throughout the history.
Sadly, it isn’t just throughout history. It happens nowadays as well. When I first heard this song, it leveled me. Nothing had so perfectly described how I felt in my past abusive relationships.
I absolutely love the symbolism in her choosing to eat a pomegranate. Pomegranates are used in so many ways in different religions and myths, but in every single one it is a symbol of womanhood, rebirth, or something of the sort. It’s such a powerful choice to use that as she eats in rebellion.
Thx. I didn't know that
The immediate thing that came to my mind was Persephone who was a captive of Hades, she is usually represented by pomegranates
yaaa also fertility i think ive heard
I like to think of it as her casting herself into hell to escape him! The pomegranate in Greek mythology is what kept Persephone from her mother in the underworld!
The Bible never actually names the fruit in the Garden of Eden. While Western tradition has the fruit as an apple they aren’t indigenous to the Middle East. A pomegranate would make more sense.
Left a relationship where his mother wanted me to be all these things, and he was so proud she was forcing this down my throat.
That’s really putting it in a “long story short” format… but man, this song makes me want to roar into the sky until god himself shutters from the shriek in my lungs.
To the people who disagree/degrade her messenge...
Congratulations, You have just proved her point
As a 20 odd year old woman who was exposed to sexism, domestic violence and assault from as young as 5 - thank you for this.
I see much of my mother in these lyrics. Glad that she broke up with my father. And glad that I'm breaking the vicious circle ✊
i see my mother in these lyrics too. my heart bleeds watching this happen and not being able to do anything. my father is bigger and stronger than me but i try to yell at him when i can. my mother threw away her whole life for us.
Shout out to Henry Hayward, who manages to project such a perfect air of quiet arrogance without saying a word! This video is so well acted and shot in addition to being a banger.
The feeling I get from this song is so ancient and so deep, I feel like all the rage from thousands of years of oppression to the women of all history is united into this song and it's incredibly powerful
This comment!! I don’t personally relate but I’m sitting here soaked in tears from just thousands of years of female rage. 💔❤️
@Jade Truly same.
exactly what I felt too, well put
Me too, I'm actually in opposite situation as my husband is doing most of the the labor (except emotional) as I'm chronically ill and unemployed.
(and we had ~equal share before I started having health issues)
But historical and contemporary examples are so heartbreaking, PLUS, all the future daughters (and sons) that are internalizing that as normal, I'm envisioning
and this song is bringing all the emotions up...
😢
In case you're curious about the comments (at this point 7,231) here's the gist:
- People particularly loved : the candle part, the pomegranate (with plenty of good pointers on its symbolism), the kids singing the chorus and that part `it's not love if you make her`
- A lot of people, men and women, see their experiences and those of relatives in this song, and there are some truly heart breaking stories in these comments.
- Shout out to all the women from Asian countries, Arab countries, South America and African nations. A lot of the nations in these parts of the world have mentalities towards women way too close to what the lyrics of this song describe. Stay strong everyone.
- These stories still happen in first world countries as well. There are plenty of examples of injustice and inequality. Probably enough in this comment section to write a thesis.
- there are plenty of supportive men in the comments.
- if you wanna read the comments from the 'mad men' you have to scroll to the very end, that seems to be the quarreling section with long replies. There are indeed a few, but not that many.
And that's about it. I was curious enough about the replies to spend about an hour of my life reading them. Not everything in the comments is five star, but the song definitely is. The comments here are often times beautiful, interesting, raw, and make for a good social analysis.
Cheers to all the brave folks here telling their stories. Take good care and keep going!
I love how she started soft and angelic, like the start of a relationship. It's like she's symbolizing an innocent girl. Then when a man starts to show his true colors, he starts to make her do chores, pass his responsibilities to her. At first she apologizes and tries to please him. But at the end, her singing becomes strong as she realizes her worth. Beautiful ❤️
if this song doesn't get nominated for at least a a grammy and also isn't performed at the grammys, I'll start a riot.
Just so people know: this is NOT BELITTING SACRIFICES MEN HAVE MADE AND CONTINUE TO MAKE. It's just showing how women's work doesn't stop when the day ends, and how we weren't recognized for SO long. Our work wasn't respected like yours....and some argue it still isn't.
There was a time my brother was jobless and he literally waited for us to come from work so that we could do household chores and cook for him. He just sat around all day and couldn't even do utensils. His argument was that he is not a woman. He made me want to scream until my face turned red.
The part about having a daughter and being afraid that she’ll meet the same fate is a true terror that keeps me up at night
yup....one of the reasons I don't want children
I don't wanna bring a child into this ugly world that will treat them unjustly and then turn around and blame them for not being able to keep up
I understand you. I have three daughters and I raise them so that they know how to claim their place in the world, but I will always want to raise a boy in feminism. They need to know that they're born with a privilege we don't have.
Couldn’t imagine because I was the oldest of 3 girls. Then had 2 boys. Stopped before we did have a girl
I totally understand
The sad part is I have a wonderfully fantastic and amazing man who takes care of me now but…. It took so long. Just to find someone who truly respects me. Been through so much abuse at the hands of men to get me to this point that I really don’t see any woman being able to completely escape the violence her whole life.
"And weaponise the false incompetence"
This is such a good tactic pursued by so many men and we sometimes overlook this.
Such good lyrics.
I know I shouldn't say this out, but this song brought me to tears. I could see my mother(s), my sister(s), my friends felt throughout. I could play out my life and be the guy. I can relate to the feigned incompetence so well. I've seen everyone doing that but was not aware of it. The sudden realisation hurt me so bad. I see that I'm a product of societies' and the things that happened to me. I can really understand my mother so much. I still cannot explain the emotions and memories it brought up. I think I am a better person now. Thank you for creating this work of art.
Bro... Merry me 😭 💍
No, say it. Thank you.
This song is like an echo all the generations of women that came before us, crying out through the ether.
"All the women
in me
are tired"
-- Nayyirah Waheed
Congrats on being the Anthem for first born daughters
“Silence haunts our bedchamber” hit hard. I was in a relationship for years with a man that if I wasn’t in the mood, would refuse to talk to me for days on end, even when he knew it caused me anxiety so bad that I would shake. It was just… easier to let him do what he wanted. To play along as I’m in pain cause I’m not aroused, or just lost in my own head trying to just get it over and done with. Like, I would try to make it as quick as possible, getting him to come, saying I had had an orgasm, so that it was over. If I didnt lie about the orgasm, he would keep going even tho I wanted it to end. It was like a pride thing for him. I just… I am so happy I’m out of it now, but the scars run deep.
It's sad how many can relate with this. I'm sorry to hear you've endured this nightmare, but it gives so much hope to know that you got out!
I'm in the midst of creating my own exit, but sometimes these things take time even when it's unbearable. I finally had the courage to address the 10+ years I suffered through so many unwanted acts which never stopped despite my begging, pleading, and physically fighting to get away. He claimed it was all an attempt to "help me work through my psychological barriers" so he was just "doing me a favor".
I cannot unsee. I cannot unknow. I cannot return to the silent sufferer for his gratification. Of course, that conversation was followed by weeks of his rage and constant verbal, psychological abuse. All the same, my body is mine and I'm finding my exit soon.
I hope you find healing and peace of mind again. I hope this for all of us surviving and fighting for our right to thrive.
@cagedbird clippedwings I wish you all the best, and I hope to you find your escape quickly. These stories just hits us all hard, but we are living, we are surviving, and hopefully we will be thriving.
I’m sorry you went through that. Thank you for sharing it too, we are not taught that unless we really and freely want to, there’s no consent. In Mexico, where I’m from, marital rape was not a crime until 2005.
The background vocals being children at the end enrages me and breaks my heart. This is a masterpiece. Every little detail is perfect
I didn’t even realize that my god
That's my favorite part😭😭
she has apparently said they aren't children, but it's still beautiful
I think it's young women, not kids
Im not a wife. I am not girlfriend. But i still feel the emotions and feelings this song has. And it should be same with everyone. Every woman goes through this. Look at your own mom.
The voice, the music, the lyrics....this song is perfect from start to finish. 8,1 Million views is actually not enough. This song deserves even more views. Even the music video is great!
Masterpiece! Her song should have hundreds of millions of views.
This what I want to happen in my life: To have a family without a man. To be successful, without a man. To have my children carry MY name, To have my future daughters look up to me and show them that they don't need male attention to be fulfilled or happy. To have my future sons respect women and treat them as an EQUAL partner and not someone who will serve them like mothers.
In a few months, I'll be 26 years old. I'm working on myself, health and manifesting positivity in my life. I'm a virgin and I don't care. I don't feel the need to be in a relationship. I'm starting my own business and soon i will be saving my eggs for the future when I decide the time is right for when I want too have children.
I am my own boss. I am my own leader. I am deserving to be successful.
Yaaay..you go girl
Man this song is so powerful.
I feel like this song is so important. It's a letter to the women who have come and gone who lived under the rule of men. Even our mothers and grandmothers. The chanting effect of the chorus is haunting.
The pomegranate is a symbol of renewal and rebirth in some cultures. The fact that that's the food she reaches for as she rebels against her 'master', and devours it hungrily, tells such a powerful story of aggressive protest against oppressors.
The pomegranate is also an established symbol of womanhood- to the Greeks, Gauls, Roma, and in Judaism. It’s been called “the fruit of the womb”. It’s not just renewal/rebirth- she’s claiming her womanhood fully, wholly for herself.
Also, idk if this has any relevance to what she is saying, but in the greek myth, Persephone gets trapped in the underworld because she eats hades pomegranate. She has to stay with him during the winter which is why the trees lose their leaves. SO it could be her reclaiming her womanhood and eating the pomegranate in spite of the man.
Its also a very difficult fruit to eat and stay relatively clean even when trying. If you just say screw it and go to town it could be seen as a symbol of everything "unladylike" messy, ungraceful, even savage if you go about it right, but true womanhood can easily include all of these things. Even though we often hide them
Stephen King actually uses the pomegranate symbolism in his book Rose Madder.
Just adding that it's also theorized the fruit Eve eats in Eden is a pomegranate, not an apple. There's a lot of layers to that choice in the video.
"I know you're a smart man and weaponise the false incompetence--It's dominance under guise."
This line is so powerful.
As a elderst daughter, this song heals me ❤
Men should be thankful we want equality, not revenge..... who am I kidding... Revenge it is.
: )
Healthy... I don't think taking your frustration out on men for what shitty men or men of previous generations did is a good way to cope. Like, that's actually pretty disturbing and sums up why so many people think feminism isn't about equality anymore. Surely you just want to be equal and coexist without having to get "revenge"
😏😏😏
@Henry Jackson it's a joke Henry she's not about to go out and take away men's rights chill out
As a gay male, I agree 😂 I’ve been objectified before and it will probs happen again unfortunately
The pomegranate she rips into is such a great shot, the pomegranate of course is both the symbol of fertility and death... absolute perfection
I was annoyed with hearing this song used in videos where people just slapped on pictures and Wikipedia facts to seem like they actually cared, but when I watched this and read each lyric, my entire right side had goosebumps. It was as if you wrote this for my mother. I won’t say my dad is an irredeemable person or that I hate him, but he’s been a living prison for my mother. She always tells me to never trust men enough to give your life to them, because they’ll just make you a servant in the end, but I still hold hope. I do want to find a man who will not see me as a labor. If it never happens, I shall have to ask for a companion like that in the next life. I know that women are worth more in the eyes of God than they are in the eyes of men. We don’t suffer unseen.
A living prison. This.
“I know you’re a smart man, and weaponize false incompetence. It’s dominance under a guise” THAT FUCKING LINE AND THE SUBSEQUENT LINES HIT HARD. This whole song is so beautiful and heartbreaking yet at the end so strong
This is the first time I've heard of weaponized incompetence in a song and I'm here for it.
@RiverCrystal same, the first time I heard it I felt my brain physically click. There’s finally a phrase for what I’ve been trying to articulate, AND it’s part of a beautiful song???
I think of myself as a well read, self aware feminist. And this song just made me realized how much I give to men and how I never even saw it! I never saw it because I was conditioned to give men so much of myself. I was groomed to it before I knew how to speak, and know I'm not the only one. It's so sad.
It was a brilliant line. I've started calling out weaponized incompetence from people in my life. I ask them if they are genuinely dumb and can't do it, or if they are playing dumb to make you do it. They go silent real quick and that silence speaks volumes.
What does it mean by it ? English is not my first language
The lyrics in this speak so much to me. The women in my family definitely know this type of invisible pain. I'm really glad there is a song about it, and hopefully these things become more visible.
Such a great, powerful song! I’m so glad that Spotify picked it as “you may like”! As a woman who decided against marriage, against children and for a career, I feel for every woman who never got this choice
this video is so simple yet so clever- the way she's lip-synching so subtly as if she can't speak openly and freely; the way the camera's where he's sat facing her like shes speaking to him but she cant and shes not and its so cool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Since I didn't see many pointing this out, I'm putting it here - at 3:09 we can hear kids singing in the background. I believe that it was meant to show how the kids are also taught to continue this cycle of control on and abuse against, the women in their lives. I love how the symbolisms and deeper meanings in the lyrics, music video and composition of this song is not that hard to find or doesn't require in-depth analysis by an expert (as it should be imo) because the message must reach each and everyone listening and watching this masterpiece.
Kudos to Paris Paloma and everyone who worked in creating this beautiful song ❤
I hope she makes it BIG
Let's raise our children differently so our daughters don't have to go through this
Sons too, so that they don't feel entitled to such servitude and get used to being treated like little babies by their wives who are not their maids
@YL yes definitely.. I think if we raise children of both genders with domestic skills then neither will feel entitled to be taken care of especially boys
@Y A S H N Y as a mom of a baby boy, I couldn't agree more. I'll definitely show my son how to cook and do chores
@YL I'm so glad to hear that from a mother! Your son will grow up to be a wonderful man. I wish you well :)
@Y A S H N Y thank you, I wish you well too ✨️
This song goes so fucking hard and makes me so fucking (rightfully) angry!!! Sending ALL MY LOVE to my sisters still stuck in this vicious cycle. Whether it be with a partner, parent, boss, government or societal norms. I hope you all get out and can one day live the lives you want to live, freely ❤
My grandmother and my whole family have endured abuse exactly like this from my grandfather, even what was (I think) shown in the video, waiting for him to eat before we eat. My grandmother said the most accurate line in this song was, as the silence haunts our bed chamber, because he would never talk through problems with her and mostly use the silent treatment as a weapon. My whole family loves this song, thank you.
Feminine rage. Love listening to this while work. When the chanting of the verses helps me focus and helps keep me be nice to rude customers
God, this song is good
I grew up in a religious Mexican home. The feminine rage I feel from this song is unreal.
"Apologies from my tongue, and never yours." "If our love died would that be the worst thing? For somebody that I thought was my saviour, you sure make me do a whole lot of labour." I cried, these lyrics hurt so much. Thank you.
That line made me realize so much. I've had relationships with men of influence. I was drawn in under some idea that they would make my life easier and love me. But they almost always drain more from me then they give, and I do mean DRAIN. Looking back, if I had just given them the finger and invested that energy in myself then I would have been better off. Damn, the patriarchial PR system is so huge and insiidious.
😊😊
@Harvard Psychic Patriarchy isn’t the problem, selfish and inconsiderate men are the problem. I’m currently learning to love myself and God because I put too much energy into selfish men in the past💯
Reminds me of my Dad... I won't ever think of him the same way after hearing about the awful way he treated my Mum. If he was any other man, I could just avoid him. But I can't, because he's my Dad.
I want to show this to my mom, this was her life but she is almost 60yo now and I think it would just hurt her to see it laid out like this... Truly makes me sad when I remember my childhood
I can't help but notice that the entire time she's singing by herself and then she sings a bit about her needing to leave before she brings a daughter into this world with this man and the daughter suffers the same fate and then she sings the chorus one more time and then after that you can hear children singing with her. Can't help but feel that that's a nod to the women who wanted to leave either with their children or before children were brought into the mix and we're not able to.